How to Befriend Your Inner Critic (Without Letting It Drive)
September 24, 2025
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There’s a strange thing that happens when families tell stories.
You’re at a braai, someone brings up that time you got lost in the mall, and suddenly everyone’s laughing – except you. Because that’s not how you remember it. You’re pretty sure it was your cousin who got lost. You’re pretty sure you were calm. And anyway, wasn’t that in Durban, not Eastgate?
You start to doubt your version. But then, so does everyone else.
You all remember the same moment – differently.
That’s not a glitch. That’s how memory works.
Most people think of memory as a storage system. You live through something, it gets “saved,” and later, you can pull it out and replay it.
That’s wrong.
Memory is not a recording. It’s a reconstruction.
Every time you recall something – every time – your brain rebuilds that memory from pieces: images, emotion, sensory impressions, meaning. And when it rebuilds it, it can change.
Slightly. Or significantly.
Then, once it’s been rebuilt, your brain stores the new version. Not the original. The rewrite.
This is called memory reconsolidation, and it’s one of the most important discoveries in modern neuroscience – especially for therapists, hypnotists, and anyone who’s ever felt trapped by their past.
We don’t remember everything. That would be exhausting.
We remember what matters. And what matters is often what hurts.
Emotional memory – the kind that gives you a stomach knot when someone raises their voice – is sticky. It gets lodged deep, below words. It shapes the way you interpret people, situations, and even yourself.
Think of memory as the raw footage. Emotion is the editing software. Together, they make your internal movie – the one you believe is “who you are.”
This is where memory and hypnosis intersect.
Because if memory is editable, and hypnosis helps the brain enter a state where it’s more receptive to suggestion, then together, they become a powerful tool for healing.
But we’re not talking about erasing trauma. We’re talking about softening the emotional grip. Changing the relationship you have with the memory, so it stops defining you.
Anele was 33 when she came to hypnotherapy. Calm, capable, emotionally flat.
She didn’t want to “dig around in childhood.” She just wanted to stop getting defensive when her partner asked simple questions.
“He’ll say, ‘Are you sure you locked the door?’ and I feel attacked. Immediately. Like I’ve failed.”
Her therapist didn’t push for content. Instead, she invited Anele into a calm, focused state. Relaxed body, slowed breath, inward attention. Then she said: “Let’s follow that feeling. Not the memory. The feeling.”
What surfaced wasn’t a dramatic trauma. It was subtle.
Grade 4. Homework not done. Teacher sighs loudly in front of the class and says, “Anele, you’ve disappointed me again.”
That sentence – forgotten for decades – still lived in her nervous system.
In trance, they didn’t rewrite the event. They re-experienced it from a new angle. With adult perspective. With compassion. With the possibility that it didn’t define her.
Two weeks later, Anele said, “It’s like I finally have space between his words and my reaction. I don’t feel small anymore.”
No. Not in the sci-fi sense.
You won’t come out of a session with your brain wiped. Hypnotherapy isn’t a trick – it’s a way of helping your subconscious reinterpret old material so it loses its charge.
Think of it like a photograph. Same image. But now it’s in black and white instead of glaring colour. You can look at it without flinching.
This happens because hypnosis uses the same mechanisms your brain already relies on: imagery, emotion, suggestion, repetition. It doesn’t fight your brain. It works with it.
Let’s say five years ago, you had an argument with a close friend. You both said things you regret. But for some reason, you can’t let it go. Every now and then, the memory pops up while you’re brushing your teeth or lying in bed. And your stomach drops. Again.
Logically, you’ve “moved on.” But emotionally, the charge is still there. That’s the old neural pattern – the one that says, “This was a betrayal. This was abandonment. You were not enough.”
In hypnosis, you don’t just tell yourself it’s okay. You go into the emotional texture of that moment – and you shift what your subconscious associates with it.
Maybe you realise you were projecting an older wound. Maybe you connect to a deeper truth – that your voice matters. That conflict doesn’t mean rejection. That forgiveness isn’t forgetting.
You come out of the session not with amnesia – but with relief.
The memory stays. But the pain steps back.
“What if I uncover something I’m not ready for?”
That’s why safety matters. A trained hypnotherapist won’t push you where you’re not ready to go. The process is collaborative – you’re always aware, always in control. Nothing comes up that you can’t handle with the right support.
“What if I don’t remember anything?”
You don’t need to. Hypnosis can work with feelings, symbols, even imagined scenarios. The subconscious doesn’t need literal facts – it responds to meaning. And sometimes, that’s more powerful.
“Is it dangerous to change memories?”
Not if done ethically. We’re not inserting false memories. We’re revisiting existing ones and allowing the emotional interpretation to evolve. It’s about liberation, not distortion.
We live in a culture obsessed with “getting over it.” Quick fixes. Productivity. Closure.
But you can’t override emotion with logic.
You can’t out-think a 30-year-old wound.
And most of us carry memories that still whisper in the background: “You’re not enough.” “It’s going to happen again.” “Don’t trust.”
These memories shape the way we love, parent, show up at work. They limit what we think we deserve. They distort what we see in others – and in ourselves.
Working with memory isn’t about becoming a different person. It’s about recovering the version of you that got buried under repetition, defence, and pain.
At the Hypnotherapy Training College of Africa, we train practitioners to work with the truth – not by erasing the past, but by reframing its grip.
We teach students how memory, emotion, language, and imagination intersect in the subconscious – and how to use those elements safely to support transformation.
Whether it’s helping a client release shame, shift identity, or soften a survival pattern, our approach to memory work is trauma-aware, science-based, and deeply human.
Because memory isn’t the enemy. It’s the doorway.
And hypnotherapy gives you the key.
If there’s a moment from your past that still makes your body tense…
If you keep reacting to the same emotional triggers and don’t know why…
If you’ve told yourself “it wasn’t that bad” but your nervous system disagrees…
Then maybe it’s time to stop trying to forget – and start changing the way your brain holds the memory.
You don’t have to live inside that moment forever.
You can learn to re-story it.
If memory is the ink, emotion is the pressure that puts it on the page.
Next week, we’ll look at the role of emotions in decision-making, moral judgement, and self-worth – and why so many of our strongest feelings aren’t what we think they are.
Whether you’re healing something old or helping others do the same – this is where the journey begins.
Explore our training at the Hypnotherapy Training College of Africa.
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