You Are Not Who You Think You Are

It’s a strange moment when the story no longer fits.

You’re doing the same job. Saying the same things. Playing the same role you’ve always played.

And yet, one morning, you catch yourself in the mirror – not in a dramatic movie way, but in a quiet, off-kilter way – and think: Who is this person?

There’s no crisis. Nothing’s collapsed. But something feels slightly misaligned. Like wearing someone else’s jacket. Familiar. Still warm. But definitely not yours.

That’s what this article is about.

The myth of a fixed self

We grow up with a tidy idea of identity: you are who you are. Maybe you’re “the reliable one,” or “the funny one,” or “the achiever.” Maybe you’ve been told you’re too much, or not enough, or good at bouncing back.

But what if none of that is stable?

What if identity – the “I” that narrates your life – is less like a core and more like a story, constantly re-edited in response to experience?

Modern neuroscience and psychology agree on the fact that the self is not fixed. It’s constructed – moment by moment – through memory, sensory input, emotion, and language.

Your personality isn’t stored in a single place. It’s an orchestra of neural networks, all responding to internal and external cues, playing something that sounds like you.

No, that’s not bad news. That’s good news. Because if you are not fixed, it means you can change.

But it also means you may not even realise which version of “you” is in charge at any given time.

The scripts we forget we’re following

Take a moment to think about how you introduce yourself.

Not just your name and job – but how you explain yourself. “I’m just someone who doesn’t do conflict.” Or “I’ve always been a people-pleaser.” Or “I’m the one who holds everything together.”

Now pause and ask: Is that actually true? Or is that just the story I’ve rehearsed the most throughout my life?

Many of us live in invisible roles, our identities shaped by childhood dynamics, old hurts, or inherited beliefs. These roles often start as survival strategies and become self-concepts over time.

They feel natural. But they’re not neutral.

Thabo’s story: the man who forgot who he was supposed to be

Thabo was a senior project manager. Well-paid. Respected. Efficient. The kind of person you wanted on your team when things went wrong.

But by 45, he felt like a ghost in his own life.

“I was doing everything right. Showing up. Delivering. Being the reliable one. But inside, it felt like I was nowhere.”

He came to hypnotherapy not for burnout but because he said he’d “misplaced something vital.”

In trance, his hypnotherapist guided him closer toward the feeling. Where in the body it lived. When he’d first felt it. And after a while of chasing the feeling, a memory surfaced: ten years old, sitting in the lounge while his father cried quietly in the kitchen. No one acknowledged it. No one asked questions. Thabo had decided, then and there, to become the one who held things together.

That decision became an identity. A role. A weight.

“I wasn’t just tired. I was living someone else’s story.”

Through a series of sessions, Thabo worked with the subconscious agreements he’d made. The ones that said: “You don’t get to break down.” “You are what you manage.” “Your worth is in how well you contain chaos.”

Hypnosis didn’t give him a new personality. It gave him permission to question the old one  and to reshape it into something that served him better.

Identity and hypnosis: why the subconscious matters

Hypnotherapy isn’t about changing who you are. It’s about loosening the grip of the roles you no longer want to play.

When you enter a hypnotic state – relaxed, focused, inwardly attentive — your brain becomes more receptive to subtle shifts in meaning. Old emotional imprints become accessible. Language lands deeper. New possibilities take root.

Because identity lives in pattern and in story, it can be explored, questioned, and reshaped. Gently. Safely.

This is what makes the relationship between identity and hypnosis so powerful. You’re not just changing your behaviour. You’re exploring who you’ve believed yourself to be and decide whether that still serves you.

What this feels like, moment to moment

Let’s say you’re sitting in a meeting. Someone challenges your idea. Your stomach tightens. You go quiet. Smile. Nod.

Later, you’re replaying the moment. Angry. But also ashamed. You wonder, “Why didn’t I speak up? I know how to handle this.”

It’s not logic that silenced you. It’s an old role – maybe “peacemaker,” or “don’t be difficult,” or “don’t outshine anyone” – that kicked in automatically.

You didn’t choose that reaction. But you can choose to rewrite it.

Hypnosis gives you access to that level of reflex; to the place where identity and emotion overlap. It lets you update the meaning you’ve been living under.

But what if I…

…don’t know who I am anymore?

That’s more common than you think. Especially after loss, burnout, trauma, or big life changes. Hypnosis won’t give you a single new identity. But it can help you hear yourself again beneath the noise, the fear, the habit.

…can’t trust my memories?

Memories are reconstructed, not replayed. That doesn’t mean they’re fake, just that they’re flexible. In hypnosis, we don’t need perfect accuracy. We work with felt meaning, emotional tone, and belief systems. And those are often clearer than facts.

…lose myself completely?

You won’t. The self is more resilient than we give it credit for. What you might lose is the rigid version of yourself that kept you safe once, so you can escape the cage you were trapped in.

At HTCA, this is what we teach

At the Hypnotherapy Training College of Africa, we train students not just in technique, but in understanding how identity is formed, stored, and reshaped.

We teach our students that working with clients doesn’t stop at “changing habits.” We point out how to safely explore the stories beneath the surface – the roles people feel stuck in, the beliefs they’ve inherited, the memories they don’t realise still shape them.

Students learn how to use trance, metaphor, somatic cues, and precise language to help clients reconnect with a more authentic self. Not an ideal self, but a fluid, present-moment identity that can grow.

That’s what makes hypnotherapy different from surface-level coaching. It doesn’t push. It listens. It lets the identity emerge from inside. It empowers the client.

Identity and hypnosis: why it matters now

In a culture obsessed with personal branding and self-optimisation, it’s easy to confuse who you are with how you’re performing.

But who you are isn’t a role. It’s a rhythm. A relationship. Something alive.

When that rhythm feels off, hypnosis offers a way back into tune. Not by giving you answers but by helping you ask the questions your conscious mind forgot to ask.

That’s what identity work is. And that’s what this series is for – to show you how perception, belief, memory, and identity are all built to change.

Next week: rewriting the past

If identity is a story, then memory is the ink.

Next week, we’ll look at how memories get stored (and reshaped) and how hypnotherapy can help you revisit the past. Not to get stuck in it, but to loosen its grip.

Want to go deeper?

Whether you’re searching for who you are, or letting go of who you’re not – there’s space for you here: Hypnotherapy Training College of Africa